Outsourcing to India
by HeathRowTottie
Summary: Inspired by first episode of series six, Sheldon 'outsourced' the conversation part of his anniversary date with Amy to Raj. What would happen if he'd outsourced other aspects of their relationship...?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This is an itch that had to be scratched. I own nothing but the itch. Really should go to the doctors...**

Outsourcing to India

Chapter One

Penny hummed along with the radio as she worked on her order of Penny Blossoms. One of the girls at the Cheesecake Factory had ordered fifteen of the colourful barrettes for her daughters' gymnastic squad. They wanted them in a combined mix of purple, white and silver to match their uniforms, and Penny was happy to oblige.

As usual, Penny's finances were in a somewhat precarious position and any additional funds that she could muster were gratefully received by her threadbare bank account. So, as it was Saturday and she had the day off, for once she had risen early. Clearing the coffee table and surrounding areas of superfluous ephemera, she laid out her glue gun, sequins and other accessories and set to work. By eleven o'clock she had completed twelve of the Penny Blossoms and was happy in the knowledge that by midday she would have them all finished when, suddenly, there was a…

_Knock, knock, knock._

_Penny!_

_Knock, knock, knock._

_Penny!_

_Knock, knock, knock._

_Penny!_

"Crap! So near and yet so far," she murmured to herself as she put down the glue gun. Best get it over with, she thought. The sooner she said hi and goodbye, the quicker she could get on with her work and complete her order. Trudging to the door, she wrenched it open.

"Hi Sheldon, what do you want?" she said with a scowl, in way of greeting for her gangly neighbour.

"Well, hi yourself neighbour and good morning to you," Sheldon replied with a simpering smile, one arm covering his throat while the other was outstretched toward her, holding a freshly baked banana bread.

Recognising the cake as some kind of peace offering or bribe, she wondered what favour he wanted to extract from her. Her scowl deepened.

"I'm busy," she said abruptly, sweeping her arm behind her to indicate the completed Penny Blossoms on her coffee table.

"I can see you are," Sheldon replied, adding quickly, "But, I wonder if you would spare a few moments of your valuable time. I need some advice Penny, _relationship_ advice."

"Well, I didn't think it would be about string theory," she murmured wryly, raising her eyebrows. Although she spoke quietly, Sheldon's Vulcan hearing picked up on her reply and it elicited a polite, breathy laugh from him in response.

She studied him more closely. He was unsettled, moving his weight from one leg to the other and there were fine subtle spasms tweaking at his eyes. All were indications that Sheldon was nervous or upset about something – or needed to void his bladder – it was difficult to tell.

"Come in Sheldon," she said resignedly, taking the banana bread from him and indicating for him to sit down on the left-hand side of her couch. The green chair where he usually sat, point '0000' for him in her apartment, was currently snowed under boxes of the accessories she used to make her Penny Blossoms.

"It's nearly lunchtime and I guess I could do with a break," she sighed. As she moved further into the apartment and toward the kitchen, she glanced over her shoulder and asked, "Would you care for a cup of tea and a slice of banana bread?"

"Now, that would be real neighbourly of you, Penny" Sheldon replied politely, his Texas twang clearly evident. She looked curiously at the gangly physicist. His Texan accent only tended to show itself when he was stressed or excited. At the moment he was sat back on her little couch in a relaxed manner, perusing the barrettes on her coffee table with interest. He didn't appear to be either stressed or excited.

"You _have_ been industrious this morning Penny," he nodded towards the completed hair accessories, clearly trying to make polite conversation. "So unlike your usual days off when you sleep 'till noon," he added disparagingly under his breath.

Hearing the remark, Penny glared at him indignantly and firmly clamped her lips together to bite back a sharp reply. She wanted to complete this interlude with Sheldon as quickly as possible so she could get back to work. Starting a verbal sparring match with him, however tempting, would only drag out his visit. Besides she wouldn't win; he was right, and she knew it. Turning the radio off, she busied herself preparing the tea and cake slices, placing the mugs and plates on a tray.

"Make a space for me Sheldon," she instructed, sharply. Startled, he hurriedly cleared a place on the coffee table for the tray. Putting the tray down, she sat on the couch with her body turned towards him and handed him a mug of tea and slice of cake. Picking up her own mug of tea she took a sip of the hot brew and looked at him over the rim of her mug.

There was a troubled frown on his face as he munched his way through the slice of moist cake. He looked like a bewildered child and she felt a sudden rush of tenderness for him. How he could do that to her, when only seconds before he had totally pissed her off, she did not know, but so it was since first they met. He constantly made her emotions oscillate between fuzzy warm feelings of affection and blind fury or exasperation

Her eyes softened. Kindly she said, "What's up buttercup?" His lips twitched into a small smile at the familiar phrase.

"Penny, I need you to explain something to me about relationships," he repeated.

"And what would that be Sheldon?" She waited patiently.

"Firstly, I believe I must explain an _arrangement_ that has been formed between myself, Amy and Raj," he looked uncomfortable, his left eye twitched more violently. Penny felt her Sheldon radar go into overdrive. What was that twitch all about?

Taking a small piece of the remaining banana bread, Sheldon popped it into his mouth, chewed it thoroughly and swallowed before he would continue.

"As you may know Penny, Amy has been desirous of introducing a more intimate, _physical_ element into our relationship for quite a while," he shuddered slightly as he said this.

"An element, I might add, that I have found to be both disgusting and unnecessary. However, against my better judgement, I have on occasion allowed her to instigate handholding, cuddling and even osculation – when pushed. This has all been stipulated in the Relationship Agreement. I _had_ to put it in, because Amy refused to sign it otherwise," Sheldon sighed, his frustration with this state of affairs clearly evident.

"For quite some time this seemed to suffice, but in recent months, Amy's demands for physical contact have increased _tenfold_. And she's wanted more than what was first stipulated in the contract. She wanted me to touch her… _lady parts_!" A weird mixture of horror and bashfulness crossed Sheldon's face as he said this.

With a tremendous effort, Penny managed to suppress the giggle building up in her throat and kept a straight face. Her acting coach would be proud, she thought, as she schooled her features to remain impassive. She knew any show of amusement would offend Sheldon and put an end to his confidences.

Sheldon gulped a swig of tea and continued, "Five weeks ago we had a disastrous date." He shook his head and shivered as his eidetic memory recalled the details.

"Amy had made pasta with real I-talian sauce using my mothers' recipe, you know the one you told her about?" he continued. Penny nodded.

"It was very palatable and I was looking forward to an evening of intellectual conversation and maybe a Star Trek movie on the TV, when Amy asked if I would like some dessert. I agreed and while I thought she was preparing a tasty treat, I read a fascinating article about nanotechnology in one of her neurobiology journals." Sheldon became silent as he contemplated the information gleaned from the 'fascinating' article he had read.

Her interest sparked, Penny nudged his foot with her own to bring his mind back to the story he was relating. He jumped, glanced guiltily at her and continued with his tale.

"I thought she was in her kitchen area, but while I was reading, she had gone to her bedroom and changed her attire. Suddenly, she bounced into the living room," he paused and swallowed, "she was dressed only in a sheer, baby doll nightdress and panties, with a big pink bow on her head. She leered at me and said – 'Look what's for dessert, Sheldon!' " He rubbed his hand wearily over his eyes as if trying to erase the memory. Penny shook her head and sighed, her BFF had not been very subtle in her approach.

"It was awful Penny, the material of her costume was so sheer I could see everything… her aureolae, her pubic hair, all were on display. In fact there was so much pubic hair, some of it was hanging outside of her panties. You could have stuffed a cushion with…" he tailed off as Penny held up her hand and turned her face away,

"Too much information Sheldon. I get it… it was revealing," she said. He nodded, gulped some more tea and continued.

"I remonstrated with her about her lack of modesty and pointed out to her that this was _not_ in the Relationship Agreement. However, upon my saying this, she became positively furious with me. I had unleashed a virago! An argument of epic proportions ensued! In the end, despite turning on the blender, the Hoover _and_ the microwave, I could still hear her yelling that if I did not become more intimate with her, our relationship would be at an end!" Sheldon shook his head sadly.

Penny sat still, her hand over her mouth, her eyes wide. In her minds' eye, she could clearly see the events as Sheldon had related them to her. The hurt that Amy must have felt at his rejection, the fear that must have entered into Sheldon's heart at Amy's threat to sever their ties – the racket from the household appliances!

"I tried Penny, I really tried," he continued in a small voice. Penny looked at him, startled.

"You mean you touched her… lady parts?" she whispered, amazed he'd put himself out there. Her stomach churned slightly at the thought.

Sheldon nodded a look of disgust on his face. "But she was so… w-wet and… b-bristly! It was horrible, like petting a damp hedgehog!"

"She wouldn't let me wear protective gloves. I was _overwhelmed_ with the thought of all the bacteria crawling from her flesh to mine. I had to keep stopping to clean my hands with antibacterial wipes. In the end she lost patience with me and said she wasn't in the mood anymore. I was _so_ relieved!" The relief that he'd experienced when his ordeal was over, showed on his face.

Penny nodded in silent understanding. She had known Sheldon for many years now and he'd _always_ had this thing about germs. For him to even try to satisfy Amy's physical cravings – without gloves –demonstrated how much he valued the relationship they had.

Sheldon sat before her, his hands clutched around the mug of tea, his shoulders slightly slumped, his eyes hooded as he silently contemplated the recent events he had relayed. Penny leaned forward and gently stroked one of her fingers across the knuckle of his hand. He started and withdrew from the contact.

"What happened next and where does Raj come into all of this?" she enquired gently.

"Amy was very upset about the events that occurred that evening, she was questioning the validity of our relationship. I respect her mind and value our times spent in intellectual discussion and would not like that to end. But, that evening demonstrated to the both of us that not only am I unwilling, I am also completely incapable of satisfying her physical desires." Sheldon looked bashfully at Penny as he added, "The whole debacle made me feel completely inadequate as a man."

As he shyly revealed this to her, Penny felt her heart ache for him. From her long acquaintance with Sheldon, she had learned of some of the difficulties that he had experienced during his childhood and adolescence. She suspected that this had a _lot_ to do with his lack of social skills and odd personality traits.

Professionally he had known nothing but success from an early age, however, that success had come at a price. As he grew up his intellect and accomplishments had alienated those around him. He was ostracised and ridiculed by those who were jealous of his achievements and daunted by his character.

Although he knew that any eight year-old could beat the crap out of him when it came to physical pursuits, he set no store by it. He measured the world by intellectual ability and his unassailable intellect constantly exposed the flaws in others, while receiving no checks in return. During those formative years, the people who _could_ bring him back to reality were far away, at home in Texas, and he had yet to meet the blonde Nebraskan firebrand that was Penny.

Over time the more powerful quirks in his personality became dominant. Intellectually, he knew there were few men who were a match for him. With no one to reign in his worst excesses, his ambition and ego went off the scale, his condescending manner became more ingrained and the ludicrous theory of Homo Novus began to evolve in his mind.

Lacking any positive guidance, he was left to his own devices to develop a strategy that could help him deal with the world around him. Searching for a suitable template, he latched onto one of his teenage heroes, Spock. Rational, logical, unemotional, superior, set apart from the crowd – these were the traits Sheldon would endeavour to emulate. He particularly liked unemotional– after all if you have no emotions, your feelings can never be hurt, right?

Now, while this stratagem might be fine for a Vulcan, it didn't do much for a growing boy. It did not teach him how to relate to people, or how to deal with failure. In adulthood, his attempts to metamorphose into the worthy space alien resulted in a man with all the social graces and psycho/emotional depth of a prepubescent boy. The most Sheldon could hope for was to adhere to the rules and schedules that came to dictate his life and, maintain relationships that were strangled and stunted by his obsessive need to control every aspect of his existence. The results of this had led to the disastrous events of his date with Amy and had left him feeling less than adequate as a man.

She was amazed, and she had to confess somewhat flattered, that he had revealed all of this to her rather then to one of his genius friends. The invincible Homo Novus that Sheldon considered himself to be, had finally had to admit that there was something in this universe that he could not excel at and he had admitted it to her – Penny, the community college drop out!

The fact that he trusted her enough to do so, resonated deep within Penny's soul and an unconscious bond of solidarity was forged with him, within her heart. Her compassion was stirred and her subconscious vowed to help him as best she could.

"Do you think that maybe you're not into lady love Sheldon?" Penny asked tentatively. "If Amy had been a guy…?" her words tailed off as she saw him clench his jaw. All of the friends in Sheldon's group had wondered at some time or another what his 'deal' was, even if they had only verbalised it amongst themselves.

Sheldon raised an eyebrow and replied haughtily, "I am _not_ a homosexual Penny, if that's what you're implying. Although my sexuality has often been a subject for discussion and derision amongst my peers, the few times I've experienced _any_ form of sexual attraction or arousal, has been as a result of interaction with the _female_ of the species." His face became impassive and unreadable; he refused to give her eye contact.

Wow, he liked girls and got aroused, who knew? Penny felt slightly stunned at this revelation. "Ok sweetie, just trying to clarify where you're coming from," she explained, slightly apologetic. She could see him becoming defensive and she wanted to placate him, " So, what happened next?"

After shaking his shoulders huffily, Sheldon continued, "Well, after much thought and a few sleepless nights I devised a plan. I met with Raj and Amy to put forward my proposal, in the hope that it would resolve the problems between myself and Amy." For the second time Penny saw Sheldon's' eye twitch.

"And the proposal was?" she pressed.

Swallowing the last of his tea in one mighty gulp, Sheldon put his empty mug back onto the tray. Taking a deep breath he said, "My proposal was that my relationship would continue with Amy on a cerebral level. We would continue to date on that level only and the physical aspects of the date would be outsourced to a third party, namely Raj."

Penny gasped. Sheldon glanced briefly at her shocked features, then quickly away. His jaw clenched and his lips set into a straight line. He looked like a small boy caught doing wrong, a mixture of guilt and defiance. Penny was speechless at his audacity. How could he treat Amy and Raj in such a cavalier fashion?

After a moments silence, she took a deep breath, "Explain it to me again Sheldon, 'cause I'm struggling with this." She spoke calmly, but her hands were clenched into two tight fists.

With a wary eye on her fists, he cleared his throat, "Well, it's very simple. Amy wants coitus and I don't."

"Raj is a decent fellow and he is lonely. He also wants coitus, with anyone it would seem, that's how lonely he is," he looked at Penny for confirmation as he said this. She affirmed his statement with a nod – yes that's how she would describe Raj's situation too.

"Also, Raj is unable to speak to women, so I know he can't offer Amy the intellectual stimulation that I can," Sheldon started ticking off the points he was making on his fingers.

"Amy and I get to enjoy our meeting of the minds. She then completes the date by satisfying her sexual urges with Raj. Because Raj is able to access coitus with Amy, he doesn't feel so alone." Sheldon threw his hands in the air and shrugged his shoulders as he finished, "It's a win, win situation really."

Silence engulfed the room once again. Finally, unclenching her hands, Penny responded, "And they're ok with this?" She was struggling to keep the indignation out of her voice and failing miserably.

"Well, not at first," Sheldon admitted. "There was a heated discussion, followed by a spirited debate, but eventually, they could both see the undoubted logic of the solution I proposed and agreed to a trial period. That started four weeks ago."

Penny felt incensed by Sheldon's cool logic. Needing to somehow dissipate the negative emotions with physical activity, she leapt up off the couch, grabbed the empty mugs and stomped to the kitchen area to make more tea.

Thinking quickly, she realised that to Sheldon his 'plan' was probably an unselfish act. To his mind, what he had proposed was for the benefit of Amy and Raj's sexual frustration and loneliness. It wouldn't occur to him that he had manipulated his two friends into some sort of weird _menage au trois_, just so he could get his own way and maintain a sexless, loveless status quo with Amy. Never changing, never growing, always the same, always predictable… safe.

She was amazed that the three of them had somehow managed to keep this secret between themselves for so long, especially Sheldon. It was well known amongst his friends how appallingly bad he was at keeping secrets. Try as she might, she couldn't understand why Amy and Raj had agreed to this, although she knew how ruthless Sheldon could be once he was on a quest. She doubted there was much in the way of discussion _or_ debate, as Sheldon had described it. More like he'd bludgeoned them relentlessly with his intellect until they'd caved in to his wishes, she thought viscously.

And why in all that was holy, hadn't either of her friends come to her in their time of need? Then she could have gone all Nebraska on Sheldon's ass and sorted him out! Stomping back to the sofa and resisting the urge to throw it at him, Penny handed Sheldon his fresh mug of tea and flopped into her seat.

"Well, looks like you've got everything sorted!" she said brightly, a hard, brittle edge evident in her voice.

"What sort of explanation about relationships did you want me to give you Sheldon?" She'd brought him back round to his initial enquiry. "I'm afraid I don't have any experience of a _three-way_."

Hesitantly Sheldon continued, "Yes… well…_initially_ the system we had set up seemed to work quite well – after a few _glitches_ at the beginning." Penny rolled her eyes; she could only imagine what the _glitches_ were. "Both Amy and Raj seemed to improve in spirit as time went on, and I _certainly_ benefited from not having to endure Amy's constant physical demands."

"But…?" she encouraged.

"Well, at first my dates with Amy would last two to three hours and we would have stimulating conversations about various subjects, watch a film, have a meal… that sort of thing. Then we would part company and the next component of the date night would begin for her, with Raj."

"And…?" Penny replied a note of impatience now in her voice.

Sheldon sighed and somewhat reluctantly responded, "Well, as things have advanced, the time Amy and I spend on our date nights has become progressively shorter. On our last date she only spent half an hour in my company, she was extremely sullen the whole time we were together and she appeared keen to get away," he looked anxiously at Penny. "What do you think it means?"

For a few seconds she quietly considered his question, then her eyebrows rose up her forehead in astonishment, before she replied. "Well, I don't like saying this to a virgin Sheldon, but, I think you're screwed!"

Alarm spreading over his face, Sheldon cried out, "What do you mean Penny?"

"What do I mean?" she shook her head in disbelief, "Honest to god Sheldon, you're unbelievable! I _think_ they're having an affair!" He looked staggered.

"What did you think you were _doing_ when you made this _arrangement_?" she hissed. The sudden venomous note in her voice startling Sheldon.

"Jesus Sheldon, just 'cause _you_ can't tolerate change, doesn't give you the right to treat your friends like that. If you couldn't give Amy what she needed, you should have let her go!" Her exasperation with him was evident now.

"Expecting them to have sex together…did you think they could do _that_ without their emotions becoming involved?" her lip curled in derision as he flinched at her words. "Look who I'm asking – C3PO – the tin man who has no heart! What do _you_ know of emotions?" she nearly spat out this last sentence.

Her words hung in the air as silence reigned in the room. Penny's anger dissipated as she saw Sheldon's stunned expression.

Quieter now, she said, "They're good people Sheldon. They deserved better treatment than this."

His cheeks red with embarrassment, he nodded disconsolately. Feeling guilty about her outburst, she tried to reassure him, "I-I could be wrong honey."

"But what if you're not Penny?" Sheldon whispered his face a shocked mask.

"Guess you'll have to accept it sweetie," she twisted her hands in her lap, she was uncomfortable about being so blunt, but he had to understand the consequences of his actions.

Chastised by her response, his eyes downcast, Sheldon nodded again, rose slowly from the couch and let himself out of her apartment without another word.

-oXo-

**Please feel free to review. All constructive criticism gratefully received. First fic and no beta, please don't be brutal!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks so much for your lovely reviews. Hope you enjoy the next chapter.**

Outsourcing to India

Chapter Two

After Sheldon had left her apartment, Penny sat for some time in deep thought. She contemplated the information that Sheldon had imparted and wondered what the ramifications would be. Remembering how he flinched at her tongue-lashing, she felt guilty for accusing him of lacking emotions. Sheldon probably experienced the world around him more profoundly then any other man she knew. However, that had to be coupled with the fact that he was totally egocentric and only saw the world from one viewpoint – his!

He appeared to have little comprehension of how the decisions he made to shape his life impacted on others, or if he did, he didn't care. And she knew that, at times, he really _didn't_ care; he just wanted everyone to bend to his will!

However, there were rare occasions when the negative fallout from his social ineptitude and autocratic behaviour was _so_ great, even _he_ could appreciate the detrimental effect on those closest to him. At such times he would show real remorse. Like when he'd put Howard's security clearance in jeopardy with the FBI and apologised by giving Howard his 'spot' on the couch. He willingly admitted that his universe revolved around that 'spot', and yet, he gave it up in an attempt to make amends and show the depth of his regret for hurting his friend. Granted the sacrifice hadn't lasted long, less than a minute if she remembered correctly; nevertheless, the thought was there and the remorse was real.

This was one of the reasons why his friends stuck by him and put up with all the crazy behaviour. There wasn't an ounce of maliciousness in the man, not a smidgen of spite; whatever he did or said, was done because he believed it was the right thing to do at the time.

That didn't mean to say that he couldn't be mischievous. He could and frequently was. Like when he'd played panty piñata with her underwear. Although some might say his response to their power struggle was over the top, Penny knew that for Sheldon, it was simply a spirited defence of his _'no one touches Sheldon's food'_ rule and his position on onion ring thievery! He'd got carried away like an over excited child and, ironically, it had taken his mother to bring him back down to earth and reign him in!

At times he could be cantankerous, demanding, bossy and perverse, that was for sure. But, these traits were counterbalanced by the fact that he could also be dependable, gentle, kind and generous to a fault – not to mention being a world class super-genius, of course! Once you got past the petulant and obstinate little darling he so often portrayed in his weaker moments, you found a man who was true to himself and true to his word. He couldn't do or be any other way. There was no side to him, no guile, what you saw is what you got. And, if Sheldon Lee Cooper gave you his word, you'd been given gold. All his friends knew this, he was rock solid when the chips were down – he had your back, Jack!

As advantageous as it was to have that kind of dependable support, Sheldon's friends knew that what they gave in return was of equal value to him. In their individual ways, they became his touchstones in reality, helping to navigate his clueless soul through the dangerous reefs and currents of social protocol.

The responsibility of piloting the good ship Sheldon through these treacherous waters had fallen mostly to Leonard and Penny in recent years due, in part, to their personal inclinations and their close proximity to him. But, after today's revelation, Penny felt obligated to face alone the onerous task of bringing Sheldon about from one of his most hideous transgressions in years. Leonard she knew would be otherwise engaged, but she was ill disposed to involve him anyway. The fewer people who knew about Sheldon's deranged 'plan' the better!

Rubbing her face vigorously to try and clear her mind, Penny made a decision. Spying her cell phone hidden beneath the paraphernalia covering the surface of the coffee table, she grabbed it and swiftly sent a text to Amy.

_Hey Ames, wanna meet 4 coffee? Px _

There was no point in contacting Raj. He wouldn't be able to talk to her. His selective mutism still prevented him from talking to girls. To this day he'd never been able to speak to her without being partially, or completely, drunk. No, she decided, her best bet for getting to the bottom of this ridiculous triangle was to question her bestie.

She deliberately left the text message vague so as not to alert Amy to the subject matter she wished to discuss. Penny had a sneaking suspicion that Amy might scuttle for cover if she realised that Penny suspected things between her and Raj were getting hot and heavy!

While she waited for a response, she completed the three remaining Penny Blossoms, packaged them up for delivery to her customer and set about clearing away her equipment and accessories. This took just over an hour and she was just starting to wonder if she needed to send another text, when her cell phone rang.

"Hey there bestie," sang Amy's cheery voice, "Text received, Penny. A hit of coffea arabica would be most acceptable. Your place or mine?"

Penny pondered Amy's question and answered it with one of her own. "How about if I come over to you? We could have a bottle of wine, order some pizza, ya know have a girls night in! What d'ya think?"

"That sounds delightful. Would you like to stay over Penny, so that you don't have to drive home after imbibing alcohol?" Amy asked.

"That'd be great, we haven't done that for ages. I'll bring the wine," Penny replied.

"Yay, a sleepover," Amy squealed excitedly, "I'll supply the snacks. See you soon bestie."

"See ya soon sweetie." Disconnecting the call, Penny smiled fondly at the portrait of Amy and herself hanging on the wall. No she still didn't like it, but there it hung because somehow this extraordinary, eccentric woman had wormed her way into Penny's heart. Over recent months Amy had shown herself to be a true friend; she had come to love her dearly and would do anything to protect her from harm.

Walking to her bathroom, Penny disrobed and showered quickly, before drying her hair and dressing in a loose red top, jeans and sandals. Throwing her nightwear, a change of clothes and her toiletries into an overnight bag, she checked around the bedroom to see if she'd missed anything. Noticing the textbook from her history class on her nightstand, she looked at it thoughtfully before shrugging her shoulders and grabbing it. The book, along with a couple of bottles of Chardonnay, was added to the bag's contents. Scanning the living room one last time, satisfied she had all she needed, she grabbed the bag, her purse, jacket and keys and exited her apartment.

As she turned to secure the lock, the door to 4A opened behind her.

"Hello Penny, are you going out?" Sheldon enquired, his tone depressed.

She glanced over her shoulder, her key still in the lock, "Uh, yeah, I'm going over to see a friend, I won't be back 'til tomorrow."

"But, you can't stay out tonight, you'll miss laundry night! You've not given me twelve hours notice!" Sheldon wailed looking genuinely upset.

Penny didn't know when it had started, but in recent times she had developed the habit of joining Sheldon in his Saturday night laundry ritual at 8:15pm. It had become such a regular occurrence he had written a Laundry Night Agreement, much to her chagrin. Despite his insistence, she'd refused to sign it and had to rip the damn thing in half before she could silence him on the subject. He had glared at her mutinously and pointed out that he could still print another copy off from his hard drive. When she responded with her best Junior Rodeo glare and some salty language, he quaked and dropped the subject. Even so, he still occasionally alluded to the contents of the agreement as though it were a signed contract between them.

Recognising his vulnerability, as a compromise, on the rare occasions she did miss laundry night to go out dancing with her girlfriends or go on a date, she tried to give him plenty of warning. It was one of the few times that she yielded to his controlling nature. Whether she liked it or not, laundry night had somehow become _their_ special time. For his peace of mind, she felt obliged to acknowledge that fact and give him a heads up if she could not attend.

It was during laundry night that her more profound friendship with Sheldon had been forged. They would talk about the myriad elements, both shared and separate, that made up their lives as their laundry swished and churned and spun. Sometimes their discussions would turn into prolonged bouts of teasing (mostly her) or heated arguments (mostly him). But generally, as familiarity grew, their altercations would end in laughter as they recognised the inevitable stalemate and amicably called a truce. Sometimes they would share stories from their past, or talk of their ambitions or dreams for the future, and by doing so, inadvertently revealed how they came to be the adults they were. This simple act of washing their soiled clothes together had deepened their friendship and laundry night had become one ritual that they _both_ cherished.

"I'm going to see Amy, Sheldon. I can do my laundry another night." Her reply was brusque, but as she removed her key from the locked door, she turned and saw his troubled face and her heart melted. She knew he was feeling as if his world was tumbling out of control and was desperate to maintain some sort of equilibrium by adhering to his schedule.

He swallowed hard, trying to hide his disappointment. "You will miss laundry night," he repeated humbly, "Would you like me to do your laundry for you, in your absence?"

Penny swiftly crossed the space between the two apartments and stopped in front of him. Her generous heart desperately wanted to grab hold of him in a fierce hug, to reassure him that all was well between _them_. That _their_ friendship remained steadfast and true amongst the self-inflicted chaos of his now turbulent relationship with Amy.

Instead, ignoring his inevitable flinch, she reached up and caressed his chin delicately between her thumb and fore finger. His nervous, fleeting gaze finally steadied and came to rest on her face. Giving his chin a gentle squeeze, she said, "Thanks sweetie, you don't have to. But if you feel the _need_, I could do with one of my work uniforms washing. I've got a late shift tomorrow and it means I can spend more time with Amy in the morning."

Drawing his shoulders back and standing tall, he replied, "I will be able to gain access to your abode with the emergency key and obtain the soiled item for washing. Consider it done."

Penny knew that now Sheldon had a task to perform for her, it would appeal to some strange medieval, chivalrous streak in his character. He would see himself as a knight-errant helping out a damsel in distress. By tomorrow morning she would be the proud possessor of the best laundered uniform on the West Coast, or in the whole of the USA for that matter. Hell, in the whole continent! And, if it would help to keep him busy and stop him from brooding about his predicament for a while, then all the better!

Releasing his chin she patted his cheek softly and looked into his troubled blue eyes. She wanted him to understand that she wasn't running out on him because of his lapse in judgement.

"Thanks again Sheldon. I'll miss not doing my laundry with you. But, you do understand don't you Moonpie, I need to spend some time with Amy and see if I can straighten this mess out?"

Sheldon's posture relaxed slightly and his eyes softened as he looked at her concerned face. He hadn't lost her friendship and the constricting pain in his chest eased knowing this. She was trying to help him and he felt overwhelmed with gratitude toward her. Paradoxically, he also sensed a familiar feeling of irritation.

"I do understand Penny and I'm most grateful for your generous help. But, Penny…?"

"Yes Sheldon?"

"Please don't call me Moonpie, only Meemaw can call me Moonpie."

Quirking an amused eyebrow, she rolled her eyes, waved her hand once in farewell and trotted down the stairs.

-oXo-


	3. Chapter 3

Outsourcing to India

Chapter Three

**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of TBBT. Drat! I wonder if it's too late? Dear Santa...**

As she drove the few miles from her apartment to Amy's, Penny plotted her strategy for the forthcoming evening. Amy had been unusually secretive about her bizarre liaison with Sheldon and Raj which, considering the subject matter, was not surprising. If Amy was going to open up about it, Penny realised she would need to utilise _all_ her natural Nebraskan cunning – and maybe a glass or two of Chardonnay – to wrangle the truth from Amy!

Following her arrival at Amy's apartment, the two girls greeted one another enthusiastically. Placing the wine in the refrigerator to chill, they debated on their choice of pizza. As it was a girls night in and garlic breath would not be an issue, they decided on a pepperoni with extra cheese, before ordering it over the 'phone. While they waited for its delivery, the girls chatted about their week over a cup of coffee and, in the most excellent tradition of the Bestie code, commiserated over one another's defeats and cheered the victories.

When the pizza arrived, Penny cracked open one of the chilled bottles of wine and poured them both a large glass. Believing that the simplest strategy would be the most effective, Penny's plan was to get Amy sufficiently drunk to loosen her tongue, whilst not allowing her to become so inebriated that she lost her lucidity, or power of speech.

Though Penny knew she would have to keep _her_ head clear, she had the worst case of nerves _ever _and felt the need for a little Dutch courage. She took a large swig from her glass and felt the herd of elephants currently rampaging around her lower intestine, calm. Slowly, as the elephant stampede dissipated, she felt ready to face whatever the evening ahead held.

As they ate their pizza, they gossiped about celebrity chit-chat and, afterwards, painted one another's toenails in an interesting new shade of smoky blue that Penny had recently purchased. Penny thought the colour looked well on her tanned feet, but Amy said her toenails looked like dead people's toenails and wanted it removing straight away. All the while, Penny surreptitiously topped up Amy's glass, whilst taking only delicate sips from her own. Blithely unaware, Amy guzzled her way through the best part of a bottle of wine and was starting to exhibit all the classic signs of a tipsy Amy. Her eyes slightly glazed, her speech slightly slurred, Amy had become overly affectionate and was flailing her arms as she spoke, eventually knocking the lamp off the end table.

Leaving Amy to pick up the broken pieces of lamp, Penny regretfully, deposited the second bottle of wine back into the refrigerator and put on a pot of coffee to brew. She didn't want Amy to become so drunk that she started talking gibberish, like her emphysemic research monkey Ricky! Neither, would it help if she became comatose, or started puking pizza everywhere – Penny shuddered at the thought! Feeling the time for interrogation was drawing near, she suggested one of Amy's favourite pastimes to relax her further.

"Hey Ames, wanna brush hair," she asked, waving the brush enticingly.

Amy squealed in response, snatching the proffered brush and the girls ensconced themselves comfortably on the couch. Penny turned her back toward Amy, who began to haphazardly brush her friend's golden tresses. After only a few minutes though, having entangled the brush three times in Penny's resplendent locks, Amy had had enough.

"My turn, my turn!" she yelled excitedly.

Handing the brush to Penny and turning her back on her blonde friend, she settled down and relaxed into the rhythmic motions of the brush gently pulling through her hair. Sensing the time had arrived, like a hunter stalking its prey, Penny pounced and asked the question that had been on her mind since Sheldon's revelation earlier that day.

"So Ames, what's all this I hear about you and Raj?" she said conversationally. Amy's back stiffened slightly.

"I…I d-don't know…w-what have you heard?" she stuttered in reply.

"Well… that you and Raj are getting it on, if ya know what I mean." Penny replied lightly. She stopped brushing Amy's hair, as Amy turned slowly to face her.

"T-that's absurd! Who… who t-told you that?" Amy looked guiltily at Penny, two spots of colour flying on her cheeks.

"Sheldon." Penny replied innocently and quirked an eyebrow.

"Oh!" Amy's eyes slid away from Penny's in embarrassment.

"Oh? Got anything to add to that?" Penny tried to keep her tone soft and even, she didn't want Amy to think she was being judgmental and embarrass her further. As Amy remained silent, clearly flummoxed by the disclosure of her secret, Penny continued.

"It's ok Ames, he told me how it all came about. Why didn't you come to me? I could have sorted him out for you." There was a hint of hurt in Penny's voice as she finished speaking.

"I… he… we…" Amy's voice failed her. Bereft of speech, the normally articulate woman hid her face in her hands and started to cry.

Penny felt her own eyes prickle with tears as she witnessed her friend's distress. Sitting closer to Amy, she put her arms around the dark haired girl and held her, gently rocking, as Amy sobbed onto her shoulder.

"That's ok sweetie, let it all out, everything's going to be alright," she crooned comfortingly, rhythmically patting Amy's back.

After a few minutes, Amy's sobs subsided and she sat up, grabbing some tissues from the box on the coffee table and drying her face. She knew she needed to explain her actions to Penny and looking in trepidation at her BFF, she began.

"I was so sick of being rejected by him Penny," she snuffled, "trouble was when he tried to do what I wanted, it was _worse_! What should have drawn us closer together only pushed us further apart." She blew her nose vigorously.

"I really couldn't see any future in our relationship," Amy continued, "then he came up with this madcap plan and there was a crazy kind of logic to it. I know my decision to agree to his proposal was foolish but, at the time, I was desperate to keep him as my boyfriend." Her eyes misted over again as she said this.

"Do you love him so much Ames?" Penny asked gently.

Amy studied Penny's face for signs of disapproval, disgust, or rejection and saw none. Taking heart, she replied.

"Y-you are so gloriously beautiful Penny, you've always been popular and men flock to partake of your womanly charms. I, on the other hand, am mostly invisible to the rest of mankind. Whenever, I _have_ come to the notice of others, it has usually been as an object of ridicule." She gave Penny a watery smile as she said this and dabbed at her eyes with the sodden tissue screwed up in her hand.

"Sheldon was my first real boyfriend and if I lost him I couldn't see someone taking his place anytime soon," Amy's expression became wistful, "For such a long time, I wove so many dreams around him – who I thought he was, what I thought we had. I guess I wasn't ready to let it go, and agreed because it meant I got to maintain the dream for a little while longer." She took a deep shuddery breath to steady herself, grabbed her half-empty glass of wine off the coffee table and took a large gulp.

Penny hardly knew what to say. She was suddenly struck with how similar Amy and Sheldon's experiences had been as they grew up. They were both highly intelligent and, throughout their lives, both had been ostracised and mocked by lesser mortals. No wonder Amy was able to understand Sheldon so well. In some ways she was more like Sheldon's twin than Missy was.

However, there was _one_ subtle difference. Whereas, Sheldon appeared content to hold himself apart from the rest of the human race, Amy had maintained her sociability and humanity. She _wanted_ to be part of that race and experience everything it had to offer, if only someone would give her the chance. Misguidedly, she'd put her faith in Sheldon to deliver her romantic dreams and he'd let her down – badly!

Carefully, Penny ran her index finger down a stray strand of hair, which was trespassing across Amy's face, and flicked it behind Amy's shoulder.

"So, you and Raj… doing the horizontal mambo Ames?" she asked, the hint of a tease in her voice.

"What? No… no, no!" Amy sounded alarmed, "I only agreed to _that_ part of the plan to shut Sheldon up. He was just droning on and on, you know how he is. I _never_ had any intention of…" Her voice tailed off. Penny looked at her friend curiously.

"So, what _is_ going on then Ames? Sheldon seemed pretty convinced that you and Raj were… 'bumping uglies', to quote Howard. He says you've both changed."

Amy looked down at her hands and sighed, before answering hesitantly.

"On the first… occasion… after Sheldon and I had parted company, Raj turned up at my apartment. I gave him a glass of wine and we… talked. He said that as much as he liked me he just couldn't do… that. The thought of it made him feel less like a _bro_ and more like a _ho_," a small smile appeared on Amy's face as she remembered, "We shared a bottle of wine and talked about the situation, and agreed to just remain friends – but _not_ with benefits."

"So what changed honey? What's been happening since that first 'occasion'? Why are you spending less time with Sheldon?" Penny was intrigued.

Rather than give Penny eye contact, Amy began to examine her nails as if her life depended on it.

"Nothing _sexual_ if that's what you mean Penny. We just meet up following my date with Sheldon and…talk. After Raj has had an alcoholic beverage that is."

"What do you talk about sweetie?" Penny asked, a puzzled expression on her face.

In Penny's experience, Raj usually had to be pretty pissed before he spoke to _her,_ and he kind of became a bit of a pompous ass when he was drunk. She couldn't envisage talking to him for more than five minutes, before wanting to shove him out the door. Having said that, he _had_ managed to charm her into bed that one time, although they'd _both_ been uproariously drunk for it to happen. She had a hazy memory that their rowdiness had incurred many strikes from a wrathful Sheldon! Maybe, a more sober Raj was able to communicate using body language and those eloquent eyes of his. After all, an expressive glance at the right moment could convey a thousand words, if the poets were to be believed. Penny shook herself from her musings as Amy answered her question.

"Just everyday stuff, Penny. We talk about our work, how are day has been – that sort of thing." Amy's eyes glowed as she finally lifted her head and looked at Penny.

"And the thing is Penny, he _listens_ to me. He _encourages_ my confidences and wants to know my opinion about things… about him. He _considers_ what I say and gives me genuine and insightful responses. He _doesn't_ blow me off, or belittle me, or make me feel insignificant or unimportant." Amy paused for breath before continuing shyly.

"Sometimes he teases me a little… sometimes he flirts a little. Sometimes I tease and flirt with him a little – and he _understands_ that, that, is what I am doing. I don't have to explain. Plus, he seems to like it!" Penny could only imagine how attractive that must be for a person who was dating someone as clueless as Sheldon.

"Recently we discovered that we both share a love of Western films and romantic musicals. On our last date, Raj brought his own copy of that rousing western classic that so delightfully embodies both genres – 'Calamity Jane'! I've always felt a special bond with Calamity," Amy smiled, her enthusiasm building as she revealed her kinship with Calamity; a woman portrayed as living outside of society's norms, overlooked and uncared for, until love made her bloom.

Penny's sharp ears had caught Amy's slip of the tongue as she unconsciously acknowledged that her last date had, in her mind, been with Raj and _not_ with Sheldon. She continued to listen without interruption, as Amy rattled on.

"His knowledge is really quite extensive and he gave a very pleasant vocalisation to some of the show's greatest hits. As he sang along with Doris, I accompanied him on my harp. His rendition of 'Just got in from the windy city', with a bhangra beat, was something to behold! It was truly a memorable evening." Amy smiled happily, but her expression became more reflective as she continued.

"Near the end of the film Raj and Doris sang 'Once I had a secret love'. I felt like Raj was serenading me," Amy's eyes glazed at the memory, "He looked into my eyes throughout his performance and at the end he leant over and softly kissed my lips." She closed her eyes and gently touched her lips as though she could still feel the exhilarating tingle from his kiss.

"I didn't have to _force_ him!" she whispered.

Penny blinked. Holy crap on a cracker, that would get _my_ panties off, she thought! Running her fingers through her hair, she wondered how it would have affected a woman as love and sex starved as Amy? She had her answer soon enough.

Allowing the memory of Raj's unbidden kiss to drift from her consciousness, Amy opened her eyes and looked forlornly at her friend.

"I think I love him Penny and I don't know what to do." Amy's voiced cracked as a solitary tear trickled down her cheek.

"Does Raj feel the same, Ames?" Penny asked, as she gently wiped away the tear with her thumb and squeezed her friend's hand, comfortingly.

"I'm unsure. Sometimes I feel such a strong connection with him. Then other times… I think it's just the alcohol talking!" Amy shook her head violently as she added, "But even if he does feel the same, I'm in a relationship with Sheldon. Oh, it's such a mess, what am I going to do?"

Before Amy could sink into a pit of despair and begin crying again, Penny swiftly considered Amy's options and made a decision.

"First, we need to find out where Raj is at, with all of this. See if this cat is alive, so to speak. Text him Amy and get him to come over," she said briskly.

"Go on!" she ordered firmly, as Amy looked at her in astonishment and hesitated.

Amy hurriedly found her cell phone and her thumbs flew over the keys as she responded to Penny's command. She had barely finished texting when a reply came back:

_I'm on my way._

"His coming!" Amy said, looking shocked.

"Ok, you go and wash your face and make yourself _purdy_ _Miss Calamity_, and I'll check on the coffee. We've got some thinking to do and we're gonna need a clear head!" and with that, Penny pushed Amy off towards the bathroom, before heading for the kitchen.

Within half an hour there was a sharp rat-tat-tat on the door. Amy sat immobilised on the couch, nervously clenching her hands. Penny, throwing her bestie a sympathetic glance, scooted to the door and opened it with a flourish, to a very surprised looking Raj.

"Howdy pardner, what brings you to these here parts," she greeted, jovially. Raj stared at her dumbfounded.

Grabbing his arm she dragged him through the doorway and into the apartment. Shoving a beer into his hand, she steered him to the middle of the couch and sat him next to Amy. The happy couple appeared incapable of speech so, Penny filled the silence with inconsequential chatter, as she went to the kitchen and poured two cups of coffee, one for her and one for Amy. Returning to the couch, she gave one of the cups to Amy and sat down on the other side of Raj.

Raj was now sandwiched between the two girls on the couch; he looked nervously from one to the other, then took a swig of beer. As his eyes oscillated back to her, Penny broke the awkward silence.

"I know about Sheldon's precious 'plan' Raj," she paused here, allowing her statement to sink in, "He told me you both agreed to it. He'd noticed that you two had 'changed' and wanted some advice, so he came to me. Do you have anything to add to this Raj?" He shook his head slowly, maintaining his eye contact with her. Leaning forward slightly and pointing toward Amy, Penny continued.

"Amy's given me a little background to what's been happening between the two of you. Especially, with regard to 'Calamity Jane' night. Is there _anything_ you want to say Raj?" she repeated the question.

Looking concerned, Raj turned his expressive eyes back to Amy. She couldn't hold his earnest gaze and once again began examining her troubling fingers.

"It was a wonderful night." Raj said hesitantly, his voice soft and low, his gaze never leaving her bowed head. At his words, Amy looked up, her cheeks pink, her eyes glowing, as they were finally able to meet his.

"Yes, it was one of the most momentous nights of my life," Amy agreed. They smiled warmly at one another, at the shared memory of their intimacy, and Raj reached out and placed his hand over hers.

Feeling very much the gooseberry, Penny reluctantly brought them back from their romantic reverie by clearing her throat.

"Ahem! Sorry guys," she apologised, "but, would I be right in thinking that, what you two are feeling for each other, is a bit _more_ than friendship?"

They looked at Penny, then at one another, before they both soberly nodded their heads. This cat was, _indeed_, alive!

-oXo-

**A/N: Well, I hope you like. Happy Saturnalia everyone!**


	4. Chapter 4

Outsourcing to India

Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own TBBT, just borrowing, honest!**

Amy and Raj were falling in love and Penny couldn't be happier for them. But, what were they to do about Sheldon?

The three friends discussed the situation in depth as the evening wore on. Amy and Raj admitted that they wanted nothing more than to spare Sheldon's feelings and remain his friends. But, they were not prepared to sacrifice their burgeoning regard for one another, to do so.

Penny began to feel weary; the conversation had started to go around in circles. In her view, if Amy and Raj were serious about one another, they had to man up, tell Sheldon the truth and risk losing his friendship, as painful as that might be. If they weren't, they had to quit playing around and stop seeing one another. She didn't hold with illicit affairs and, although she could appreciate the excitement of one, Amy and Raj were both too honest to pull it off. It would just end in tears, not that there hadn't been a few shed already! Silence fell as they all came to realise the impasse that Sheldon represented and Amy and Raj gazed at one another morosely.

Needing to break the sombre mood, Penny fractured the silence by clapping her hands down on her thighs. She stood up, stretched and yawned.

"Well, what will be, will be," she sighed, pragmatically, "Hey, isn't that another Doris Day song?"

"Que sera, sera," Raj replied, nodding and grinning, like a little Koothrappali bobble headed doll.

"Well, if it's good enough for Doris, it's good enough for us," Penny said emphatically, "Let it be our rallying cry!" She struck a pose and held out her hand dramatically. The others laughed briefly at her clowning, but quickly became glum again.

"Look guys, there's no point in falling into a fit of the dismals. To quote Shakespeare, 'Verily, shit happens'," she picked up the empty cups and walked to the kitchen with them.

"Really, Shakespeare said that?" Raj asked, his eyes following her, round with surprise. He believed himself to be quite cognisant of the works of William Shakespeare, but he'd never read that quote before!

"I'm pretty sure, at some point in his fifty-somethin' years, there would've been an occasion where he could've used that expression – or somethin' very like it!" Penny replied, justifying her previous statement in a mock serious manner.

Washing the cups, she left them on the drainer to dry and walked back to the couch. Sitting on the coffee table to face the 'not so happy couple', she held out a hand to each of them. They clasped her hands and then one another's. All three sat for a few seconds in a circle of comfort and camaraderie, before Penny broke the silence with an observation.

"Looks like we're holding a séance," she chuckled softly. The other two laughed quietly in agreement and, as one, they all dropped hands.

"You gotta see the big picture here, guys. I know Sheldon's done wrong by you, but he _is_ your friend and deserves honesty from you, if nothing else," Penny drew a breath, "Yeah, it'll probably hurt him, but he's survived worse and what's the alternative? That you sneak around behind his back? Believe me, _that_ wouldn't be good for anyone!"

"But Penny, what if the change in our relationship paradigm causes him to lose the barely adequate grip that he has on his sanity? As we all know, change is not his friend, it is anathema to him," Amy's voice shook a little as she finally voiced her main concern for Sheldon.

Raj put his arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. She took a shuddery breath and smiled at him shakily.

"Your right Ames, Sheldon doesn't embrace change," Penny admitted, "but he's survived lots of changes over the last few years, when you think about it. Okay, he's done it kicking and screaming like a two year old throwing a tantrum, but he _has_ done it. And, he's marbles are still intact – I think. Well, as much as they ever were!" Seeing their doubtful expressions, she realised that her speech had not given them the reassurance that was intended.

"He won't be going through this alone, Ames. There's Leonard and Howard," they looked at Penny dubiously; gulping, she hurriedly went on, "and even if those two aren't much help, he'll _always_ have me. I might wanna kill him at times, but I'll stick to him like glue, 'till he can stand on his own two feet." Leaning forward, she patted Amy's knee, encouragingly.

"And, don't forget," she added softly, "at some point he's gonna realise, that he's still got the two of you!"

Amy and Raj both nodded as they began to absorb the meaning of her words and she saw them visibly relax. It was true, they would always remain loyal friends to Sheldon, should he want them. They just hoped against hope that he would forgive them for falling in love with one another.

Observing the slight improvement in their demeanour, Penny felt it was time to give them some privacy to talk between themselves, or whatever. Easing herself off the coffee table, she lent forward and kissed them both on the cheek.

"Okay, ya know, I'm just about pooped. Think I'll go get ready for bed and leave you two lovebirds to some canoodling time!" she said.

Amy and Raj both blushed and looked bashfully at her. Laughing, she waggled her eyebrows suggestively and, with a roguish wink and a grin, skipped off to the bathroom to prepare for bed.

After a quick wash, she cleaned her teeth and changed into her favourite pink tee-shirt and 'Hello Kitty' sleep shorts, before making herself comfortable in Amy's double bed. She would normally be making herself comfortable on Amy's couch, but as the happy couple currently occupied that, Penny was stopping where she was! She'd have to make up her bed on the couch, once Raj had left.

The clock on the nightstand showed 11:00pm as Penny nestled back into the pillows. Sheldon will have gone to bed by now, she thought, he's probably in the middle of one of his REM cycles and she sighed despondently. Initially, she had hoped that the outcome of today's visit with Amy, would resolve in Sheldon's favour. However, as the evening wore on, it became abundantly clear _that_ wasn't going to happen.

As happy as she was for them, she couldn't help but worry about Sheldon; the fear that Amy voiced was her fear too. She didn't have a clue how he was going to react to the inescapable changes in his relationship with Amy. What she did know, with absolute certainty, was that she'd be there to support him in the trials to come. She fervently hoped it would be enough to see him through the difficult times ahead.

Needing to clear her mind of her friend's problems before she attempted sleep, she reached for the history textbook she'd brought with her, from the top of the nightstand. Her head was so full of Sheldon, Amy and Raj, she didn't think she'd be able to concentrate on the text, but she felt obliged to try. Opening at the bookmark, she began reading in preparation for her next assignment. Within minutes, she was engrossed and only vaguely aware of hearing the sound of Amy's front door being opened, then closed. Ten minutes later there was a quiet rap on the bedroom door and Amy came in carrying two mugs of hot cocoa.

"Thought you might like a night-cap," she said, handing the steaming mug to Penny and sitting companionably on the bed. Penny smiled contentedly and nodded her thanks.

"How'd it go?" she said, taking a slurp of the chocolate drink and raising an eyebrow.

"Very nicely thank you." Amy had a satisfied smirk on her face as she recalled her recent, tentative sweet fumblings with Raj. Sipping at her cocoa, her face became more serious.

"But, first thing tomorrow morning Raj is collecting me from here and we're going to talk to Sheldon," Amy had a determined look upon her face as she said this.

Penny nodded and sighed again. Although she knew it was inevitable, her heart ached for him.

"Don't worry Ames, I'll be there for him afterwards," she responded, quietly.

"Thank you Penny. I know I can speak for Raj when I say, that we are both eternally grateful for your support," Amy's eyes misted over.

Studying her BFF over the rim of her mug as she took another sip, Penny recalled three months earlier when the shoe, so to speak, had been on the other foot. That was when Leonard had dumped her for Sheldon's new assistant, Alex Jenson, and Penny's world had fallen apart.

Finally, after years of being chased and pressurised, she had affirmed her feelings for him, only to find that within weeks, the homunculus had turned. The reasons given had been many and varied, but what Penny took from all his excuses, was that she no longer provided the challenge he required to maintain his interest in their relationship; it appeared the younger, slimmer and more intelligent woman, did.

To her surprise, of all her friends, it had been Amy who was the most loyal, the most caring and the most supportive. It was Amy who had opened up her home to Penny and given her refuge when she couldn't face living across from 4A a moment longer. It was Amy who held her, without judgement, when she'd cry for hours about Leonard's betrayal. And, it was Amy who insisted that she washed, changed her clothes, and ate some food – basically kept her alive, through the dismal, depressing days that followed his bombshell.

"I owe ya one Ames," Penny said simply and Amy smiled in understanding.

-xOx-


	5. Chapter 5

Outsourcing to India

Chapter Five

**Disclaimer: TBBT and its characters belong to someone else, this story belongs to me.**

The following morning was overcast and rain showers were threatening Pasadena and the surrounding areas. This boded well for catching Sheldon at home on a Sunday morning – he never went paintballing or kite flying if the weather was inclement. Amy and Raj were aware of the likelihood of this, via the TV weather, as they made their plans the previous evening; the grey, cloudy sky this morning merely confirmed that they would find him home.

The girls rose early, showered and dressed. As Amy prepared a breakfast of coffee and pancakes, Penny packed her overnight bag and cleared up the debris from the previous night's activities. All the while, the girls chattered about any subject that didn't involve mentioning Sheldon. Mostly they discussed Penny's next history assignment and Penny animatedly described the chapter she'd been reading the previous evening. This renewed passion for her college course had been one of the more positive aspects of her break-up from Leonard.

Desperate to avoid him, she was reluctant to spend any time in 4A in case she ran into him, despite Sheldon pleading that she adhere to his schedule. She had withdrawn, hermit like, to the safety of her apartment and suddenly found she had a lot of spare time on her hands. It gave her plenty of opportunity to mope over her lost relationship and become increasingly depressed and introverted. Her friends, observing her downward spiral, did their best to spend time with her and involve her in any pastimes that didn't include Leonard. But, as much as she appreciated their efforts, it didn't change the stark fact that she was alone and her spirits continued to decline.

In the end, it was Amy and Bernadette who helped her see the light. During a heart to heart, they gently pointed out what was happening to her. They suggested that she needed to find something other than a failed relationship to focus on in her spare time. Had they but known it, their timing had been perfect. Although none of them realised it, Penny's naturally optimistic personality was beginning to reassert itself as the shock of her betrayal wore off. She had reached saturation point in her pool of self-pity and was heartily sick of how her life was going. She was ready to make a positive change.

With the girls' help, Penny identified that she needed to do something to improve her self-esteem, which had taken a severe blow from Leonard's abandonment. At first, her inclinations led her to consider some form of self-indulgence. Somewhat reluctantly, she accepted she could not afford to spend money on shoes, clothes or spa days. Her finances were not strong enough and she refused to borrow or accept charity.

Then Amy suggested Penny's history class and her interest was sparked. It was already paid for, all she needed to do was give some of her time and effort. She had enjoyed being a student again, enjoyed exercising her brain in that way, enjoyed getting her B minus even, so why not? With her friend's encouragement, she decided to knuckle down to the history class she had been taking at college and see where it led her.

This time though things were different. Although her friends tutored and advised, it was Penny who did the work, there was no bullying Amy and Bernadette to do it for her. Whether she succeeded or failed, Penny needed to know that it was down to her.

Her friends helped with each assignment as it came along; even Sheldon had thrown his two cents worth in every now and again. As she successfully navigated her way through the assignments, her grades improved, her confidence grew and her outlook became more positive. For the first time in a long time she felt passionate about something other than a man, and a small flame of self-belief lit up inside her. Her friends expressed their pride in her achievements and, amongst themselves, their relief that she had turned the corner. Who knew that a simple history class would be such a life saver?

At 8:30am, responding to a text from Raj, who was downstairs waiting for Amy in his car, the girls left the apartment. Once outside they hugged and separated and walked to their respective vehicles. Raj had exited the driver's seat of his car and was standing by the passenger door holding it open for Amy. As she prepared to sit into the car, she suddenly changed her mind and lent up toward him, briefly kissing him on the lips. They both blushed and looked at the ground before looking at one another again and grinning.

"Good morning Raj," Amy said not really expecting a reply.

"G-good m-morning A-amy," Raj squeaked in response. Amy looked surprised.

"Have you been drinking alcohol Raj?" her tone concerned, "If you have I can drive, for as you know, I do not approve of driving whilst inebriated."

"No only coffee," Raj replied, his voice vacillating between octaves like a pubescent boy.

"Then how…?" she asked a look of wonderment in her eyes.

"N-not sure Amy, I've just noticed during our dates that I hardly needed any alcohol to be able to talk to you," he responded, his voice almost normal now. "I ran an experiment on Calamity Jane night and only pretended to drink and found I could talk fine after I'd been singing. So, this morning on the way over I've been singing your name – and now I find I can't stop!" At this, Raj grinned at her like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. Amy congratulated him with another kiss. After settling her in her seat, Raj ran round to his own seat and buckled himself in for the short journey to apartment 4A.

Meanwhile, Penny had trotted over to her car which was parked slightly further down the road and had witnessed their exchange from afar. Although she couldn't hear what was being said, it was clear they were in conversation and by the smiles and kisses she was able to deduce that it was cause for celebration. Would wonders never cease!

Both cars arrived at 2311 N. Los Robles Avenue pretty much at the same time and the occupants, exiting their respective vehicles simultaneously, met up and walked up the four flights of stairs together. On the landing between the two apartments they stopped and Penny hugged first Amy, then Raj.

"Let me know how it goes," she said softly, before unlocking the door to her apartment and disappearing inside.

Amy and Raj looked at one another, they both knew they'd reached the moment of truth. Raj held out his hand and Amy grasped it.

Taking a deep breath, Raj rapped on 4A's door firmly before grabbing the door handle and twisting it. The door was unlocked and swung open.

They looked at one another once more and gently squeezed one another's hand. Taking strength from the warm contact, they nodded in silent agreement, before walking determinedly toward their destiny through the opened door of apartment 4A.

-oXo-


	6. Chapter 6

Outsourcing to India

Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: TBBT belongs to them, this belongs to me.**

Sheldon stood at his whiteboard, still and pale, his eyes red rimmed and blank. The marker pen in his hand dangled uncapped and unused as he stared into the middle distance, insensible of the room around him. Formulas and theories that would change man's understanding of the universe should have filled his mind and been scrawled across the white expanse of the board. Instead, the board was blank and his head was full of Amy and Raj and the bloody, bloody mess that he had made of his friendships with them.

With Leonard away at Alex's for the weekend and Penny at Amy's, Sheldon had been alone in the apartment. Alone to brood over the recent events that had befallen him, with his eidetic memory providing the fodder for his ruminations. That faculty, which had always been a source of pride to him, had now become a curse. It tortured him, as he continually reviewed and analysed the events of the last few weeks, never able to draw any conclusions. Desperately, he tried to distract himself by becoming immersed in his work and his hobbies, but to no avail. Always his memory would drag him back to his folly and his shame.

Even in sleep, he could find no sanctuary. For the most part sleep eluded him, but the few ragged hours he did manage to salvage from the night, were racked with dreams distorted by guilt. He awoke from his slumber more exhausted then if he had never slept at all.

As the rain from a heavy shower trickled down the windowpane, Sheldon stood in his apartment, wrapped in thought. A sudden rat-tat-tat on the door startled him back to reality. Before he could move to answer the summons, the door swung open and he spun round to face whoever it was that dared disturb his painful reflections.

Raj entered through the doorway first, quickly followed by Amy. Sheldon's eyes immediately fell to their intertwined hands. He looked back up at their faces, his inability to read expression hindering his interpretation of the emotions he saw writ there. Was that nervousness and fear on Amy's face, was that an expression of purposeful resolve on Raj's?

"Good morning, Sheldon," Raj said politely.

Sheldon raised an eyebrow. Raj was speaking in front of a female, had he been drinking at this time of the morning?

"Good morning Raj – Amy," Sheldon responded, equally polite, with a nod at each of them as he spoke their names. Amy smiled nervously before adding her greeting.

"Good morning," she took a shaky breath, "Sheldon, Raj and I need to talk with you about the 'arrangement' between the three of us."

Sheldon nodded, it was what he had been expecting after all. Putting down the marker pen, he left the whiteboard and walked toward the kitchen.

"Would you care for a hot beverage?" he asked mechanically, mindful of his Momma's teachings.

Amy looked at Raj, a question in her eyes. Raj shook his head. He was so nervous he thought he might vomit if he tried to swallow anything. Plus, he needed to resist the urge to run to the bathroom as it was – a full bladder would not help the situation!

"No, no thank you," Amy replied, on behalf of them both.

"Alrighty," Sheldon responded quietly, turning to the refrigerator and removing a bottle of water.

Walking to his 'spot' on the couch, he sat down and put the water bottle on the coffee table in front of him. Pushing back into the cushions, he placed his hands on his knees and looked up to see Amy and Raj watching him, apparently transfixed by his actions.

"Please, take a seat and make yourselves comfortable," he said, breaking the spell that held them immobile.

Reluctantly, they released one another's hands, not wanting to loose the physical contact and the courage that it gave them. Amy moved to the middle seat of the couch, while Raj sat in the easy chair on the left of Sheldon's 'spot'. Unconsciously, they turned their bodies toward Sheldon, making him the focus of their small group. Taking a deep breath and her courage in both hands, Amy began.

"Sheldon, as you know, over the last few weeks we three have been involved in a relationship experiment. An experiment, devised by you, that was created to try and meet the individual needs of its participants," she looked at Sheldon for confirmation of her summary of events.

"Correct," he responded faintly, using his hand to shield his twitching left eye from view.

"I don't really understand why we did agree to it," she speculated, "I think Raj and I were at such low ebbs, psychologically and emotionally, and you were so _very_ insistent…"

Raj concurred, nodding his head.

"But, agree we did, except… we didn't exactly follow your plan," she looked across at Raj and he smiled encouragingly.

A faint look of surprise washed over Sheldon's face at her statement. He turned toward her, his eyes questioning, seeking clarification.

"Raj and I spent time together, Sheldon, but only as friends," she elucidated, "No coitus took place!"

"Then what…?" his voice tailed off as he realised the impropriety of his question. After all, there were other carnal acts that they could have engaged in to reach climax; he'd seen them on the Internet, he wasn't completely clueless!

"We talked Sheldon, just talked. Shared our thoughts and feelings – that sort of thing." Amy replied, slightly impatient.

"Oh…?" Still there was a look of puzzlement on Sheldon's face. How could 'just talking' change their previously gloomy behaviour to one of relaxed contentment? A contentment that he had mistook for the satisfied after glow of coitus!

"We got to know one another, dude," Raj interjected, seeking to clarify, "and the more we got to know, the more we liked what we found."

"And the more we liked what we found, the more we wanted to get to know," Amy carried on with a smile at Raj, "until…"

"Until, we fell in love," his voice husky with emotion, Raj locked eyes with Amy.

Feeling vaguely nauseated by the sweetness emanating from the happy couple, even Sheldon could appreciate the irony of the situation. The one thing he had not calculated into his hypothesis, was that Amy and Raj would be able to converse with one another. After all, that was meant to be his and Amy's special thing!

He had postulated that the experiment might fail if they found one another sexually repulsive, or if their natural reticence was unable to bypass the social taboos. But, he had convinced himself that these problems would crumble in the face of the sexual desperation that they both appeared to exhibit. It had never entered his head that they would be able to establish some form of deep and meaningful communication, which would eventually lead to the downfall of his social experiment.

Feeling like a voyeur watching the private act of two lovers', Sheldon observed Amy and Raj, as they became lost in one another's gaze. It appeared to him that they were conversing silently through their steady regard of one another, exchanging thoughts and emotions without a word spoken. In all the time that he and Amy spent together, they had never experienced this level of intimacy and a feeling of regret burst in his heart. If he couldn't feel that type of unity with Amy, the person more like him than anyone he'd ever met, would he _ever_ know it?

Finally, he realised that the relationship paradigm he had with Amy and Raj would be altered forever from this point on. No longer could he seek exclusivity in his dealings with Amy. No longer could his interactions with Raj be completed, without regard of another's feelings. They were a couple and, if he wanted to salvage his friendship with them, he would need to accept whatever crumbs they were prepared to give him.

Clearing his throat tentatively, he spoke. "So, in conclusion?"

Breaking her eyes away from Raj, Amy regarded the tall, thin man sat beside her. Somehow, he looked crumpled and lost and, knowing the hurt she was to inflict, her heart ached for what she was about to say.

"In conclusion," she paused, not knowing how to proceed.

How could she say this? How could she say something that would profoundly alter Sheldon's universe and possibly destabilise his sanity? Her eyes drifted past Sheldon and her heart skipped a beat as Raj came into focus. He was watching her, clearly aware of her dilemma, his eyes filled with love and concern. She felt her resolve return. The man looking at her, with such emotion, was her future and she needed to run toward that future no matter what obstacles lay in her path. The analogy of the Band-Aid came to her mind. Ripping it off suddenly was often less painful than peeling it slowly, she pondered. Taking a deep breath, she made a decision.

"Sheldon, I would ask that you release me from our Relationship Agreement, thus, allowing me to pursue a relationship with Raj," she blurted out, before she could loose her nerve. There, it was said and she quailed inside at her boldness!

Although he knew it was coming, her words panicked him. His intellect told him it was impossible, but he could swear that he palpably felt the paradigm shift. His eyes snapped away from her and came to rest on his hands, his knuckles white as they grasped his knees in desperation; desperation born of his need to maintain an unchanging world around him. She placed her hand over one of his and gently squeezed, in commiseration. His eye ticked maddeningly as he swallowed hard and nodded, determined to maintain some semblance of control.

Easing himself to the edge of the cushion on which he sat, he stood and walked to his computer desk. Opening the desk drawer, he removed a sheaf of papers and a pen before returning to the couch and placing the items on the coffee table. Shuffling through the papers he came to the section he was looking for and spoke.

"If you would please sign the termination section of the Relationship Agreement Amy," he requested, his voice steady, but his hand trembling as he passed her the pen.

After Amy had signed in the appropriate places, Sheldon took the pen and papers and turned to Raj, asking that he witness her signature. This completed, he shuffled and tapped the papers into alignment and, after Amy declined a copy, deposited them back into the desk drawer.

Turning away from the desk, Sheldon contemplated Raj and Amy for a moment. The time had now come. He had to try and rebuild the bridges that had been destroyed by embroiling his friends in this bizarre experiment. Taking a stand in the middle of the room, he clasped his hands behind his back, drawing their attention.

"Before we conclude our business today, there is something I would like to say to you both," his facial ticks increased in severity as his anxiety levels rose.

"What is it Sheldon?" Amy urged gently after a few seconds, as he stood there silent, gazing at the floor.

Raising his gaze from the floor, he looked into her eyes and appeared to take courage from the concern he found there. He lifted his chin a little.

"I wish to apologise for asking you both to participate in this hideous experiment and for the needless pain that it has caused."

Amy and Raj looked at one another in shock! Never in a million years would they have expected an apology from Sheldon! Their eyes were drawn back to him as he continued.

"After my discussion with Penny yesterday, and the period of reflection that followed, I've come to appreciate how inappropriate this experiment was. My 'plan' was asinine and immature. I cannot believe that I exposed my friendships with you to such peril, by suggesting it," he shook his head sadly, "It was not the act of a friend to ask the two of you to become involved with this folly."

He took a step forward and spread out his hands in an act of supplication.

"Amy, I understand completely that you and I can no longer be in a romantic relationship, but I beg you both to remain my friends," he pleaded, looking from her to Raj, "The loss of your friendship would be the hardest thing for me to bear. If you can forgive me for my thoughtless act, I would be eternally grateful."

Amy's eyes misted with unshed tears as she looked at Sheldon standing in the middle of the room twitching and flinching as if, with every word spoken, a whip was lashing him. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Raj wipe a tear from his cheek.

Sheldon was the alpha male in their geekdom, love him or loathe him, you couldn't ignore that. To find the great Sheldor, metaphorically, brought to his knees and begging for mercy was a pitiful sight! And yet, somehow, it demonstrated the greatness of the man. To admit his mistake, apologise and then beg for forgiveness, that was the act of a man of courage and worth.

For some reason, the memory of their Arctic sojourn came to Raj's mind. He remembered the professional fallout that Sheldon had to endure on their return to Pasadena. Suddenly Raj felt embarrassed and humbled. Why hadn't he shown this same level of courage that he saw displayed here today? Why hadn't he begged for forgiveness from Sheldon, for his part in the fiasco? In truth, Raj realised, Sheldon didn't owe him an apology, it was the other way round.

Leaping out of his chair, with two giant strides, Raj reached Sheldon's side and embraced him in a hug. The look of horror and astonishment on Sheldon's face was a sight to behold! If the atmosphere in the apartment hadn't been so emotive, Amy would have laughed out loud in amusement.

"Aw, dude, don't take on so. You were a schmuck for coming up with the idea, we were schmucks for agreeing to it. Of course, we will remain your friends, isn't that right Amy?" Raj turned toward her, releasing his hold on Sheldon, much to Sheldon's obvious relief.

"Of course," she agreed, without hesitation, "there is no question that we will always be your friends Sheldon, whether you can accept Raj and I as a couple, or not."

As her words sank in, Sheldon's facial spasms began to ease and fade. Finally, as his face came to rest, the only emotion apparent was held in his expressive blue eyes, one of gratitude.

"Thank you, Amy – Raj, I consider myself fortunate to count you among my most trusted friends. Please believe, I will have no problem supporting your newly acquired co-dependence," he said sincerely.

The atmosphere in the room began to relax as the three friends finally made their peace with one another. If a room could have sighed with relief, then this room would have done.

Now, that the situation between the three of them had been clarified, with apologies made and accepted, Sheldon desperately wanted Amy and Raj to leave. He needed this, like he needed air to breathe. It was imperative that he have time alone to process what had occurred and regain control of his overwrought emotions. To this end, his demeanour became more purposeful as he continued.

"I believe that concludes our business today, and so, will bid you adieu. I have woefully neglected my work over recent weeks and need to address some issues arising from that," he gave in explanation.

Summarily dismissed, a surprised Amy and Raj made there hasty farewells and left, with Sheldon shepherding them all the way to the door. He closed the door behind them and locked it. Briefly, resting his forehead on the door, his shoulders sagged with relief.

The interview had gone far better than he could have hoped for, they had forgiven him and their friendships would remain a constant in his life. Yes, he had lost any romantic stake he had with Amy, but that was a small price to pay if he could preserve his friendships with her and Raj. He had expected far worse. Now, he could relax and let go of the humiliation arising from his reckless plan.

Only it wouldn't release it's hold on him. He could feel it still, gnawing away at his insides like a parasitic worm. Reminding him how stupid and naïve he had been when dealing with emotions, how he had betrayed his high ideals regarding friendship, honour and loyalty. Confirming to him that he was not, nor ever could be, the Homo Novus he had thought he was. He was just a frail human man, after all. As liable to make mistakes as the next ordinary Joe and not the epitome of perfection that he thought he should be.

In his mind, he had let everyone who gave a damn about him, down. Though Amy and Raj had forgiven him, he couldn't forgive himself. His mind kept grinding out its' message of failure, slowly poisoning his system and unhinging his perspective.

Turning away from the door he swiftly walked to the sanctuary of his bedroom, his refuge from the world. In here, he could unleash the emotions that were threatening to unravel his mind and overwhelm his psyche. In here, he could just let go and let the dice fall where they may.

-oXo-


End file.
